You're waiting for them to understand. To acknowledge what they did. To say sorry and mean it.

You've imagined the conversation a thousand times. How they'd finally see it from your perspective. How they'd realise the hurt they caused. How they'd take responsibility and apologise properly.

And then, maybe then, you could move on.

But here's the truth you already know, even if you're not ready to admit it: that apology isn't coming.

They don't see it the way you do. They've rewritten the story in their mind where they're not the villain. They've moved on without a second thought whilst you're still carrying the weight of what happened.

And you're stuck. Waiting for closure that will never arrive. Waiting for validation that they'll never give. Waiting for permission to heal that you think only they can grant.

But you don't need their apology to move forward. You never did.

Why We Wait for Apologies

There's something deeply human about wanting acknowledgement. Wanting the person who hurt us to see what they did, to feel remorse, to make it right.

An apology would mean:

• They see your pain
• They validate your experience
• They take responsibility
• You weren't crazy or overreacting
• What happened was real and it mattered

Without that apology, it feels like the story is incomplete. Like you're holding a book with the last chapter ripped out.

So you wait. You rehearse what you'd say if they ever gave you the chance. You imagine the relief you'd feel if they finally understood.

But whilst you're waiting for closure from them, you're giving them power they no longer deserve.

Why the Apology Isn't Coming

Let's be blunt about why that apology you're waiting for will never arrive:

They Don't Think They Did Anything Wrong

In their version of events, they were justified. Misunderstood, maybe. But not wrong.

People who hurt others rarely see themselves as the villain. They've constructed a narrative where their behaviour made sense, where you were too sensitive, where circumstances forced their hand.

Expecting them to suddenly develop insight and accountability is like expecting a brick wall to turn into a door. It's not going to happen.

They've Moved On

Whilst you're still processing what happened, replaying conversations, trying to make sense of it all, they've moved on with their life.

They're not lying awake thinking about you. They're not wrestling with guilt. They've filed the whole thing away as "difficult situation" or "just didn't work out" and carried on.

This isn't fair. But it's often the reality.

Apologising Would Mean Admitting Fault

For some people, admitting they were wrong feels like annihilation. Their entire sense of self is built on being right, being justified, being the victim in every story.

An apology would shatter that carefully constructed identity. So they won't give it. They can't.

They're Incapable of That Level of Accountability

Not everyone has the emotional capacity for genuine accountability. Some people lack the self-awareness. Some lack the empathy. Some lack the courage.

You can't extract genuine remorse from someone who doesn't have the emotional tools to access it.

The Cost of Waiting

Whilst you're waiting for that apology, for that validation, for that closure, here's what's actually happening:

You're giving them power over your healing. They hurt you once. Now you're letting them control whether you can move forward.

You're keeping the wound open. Every time you replay what happened, imagine the apology, rehearse your response, you're preventing the wound from closing.

You're staying emotionally tethered to them. They've moved on. You're still connected, still waiting, still giving them space in your head and heart.

You're postponing your life. How much time have you lost waiting for something that isn't coming? How many opportunities for joy, connection, growth have you missed whilst stuck in this holding pattern?

You're teaching yourself that your healing depends on other people's actions. This is the most dangerous cost of all. Because it puts your wellbeing in someone else's hands.

What Closure Actually Is

Here's what took me years to understand: closure isn't something someone else gives you. It's something you give yourself.

Closure is the decision to stop waiting. To stop needing them to understand. To accept that the ending is messy and incomplete and that's okay.

Closure is saying: "I don't need you to validate my experience. I know what happened. I know how it affected me. That's enough."

It's letting go of the fantasy that they'll suddenly become the person who can give you what you need. They couldn't do it then. They can't do it now.

Closure is accepting reality, even when reality feels unsatisfying.

How to Heal Without the Apology

1. Validate Your Own Experience

You don't need them to confirm that what happened was wrong. You know it was.

Your pain is real. Your feelings are valid. The impact on you matters, whether they acknowledge it or not.

Stop waiting for external validation. Give it to yourself.

2. Write the Apology They'll Never Give

This sounds strange, but it's powerful. Write the apology you wish you'd received. Everything you needed to hear.

Not because you're pretending they said it. But because seeing those words on paper helps you identify what you needed. And often, reading them allows your nervous system to release some of the tension it's been holding.

You don't need to send it. You don't even need to keep it. Just getting it out can be enough.

3. Grieve the Relationship You Thought You Had

Part of what makes moving on so hard is that you're not just grieving what actually happened. You're grieving the relationship you thought you had. The person you thought they were.

That person doesn't exist. Maybe they never did. And that's a loss worth acknowledging.

Grieve it. Feel the disappointment, the anger, the sadness. And then let it go.

4. Reclaim Your Story

They have their version of events. You have yours. And here's the thing: you don't need them to agree with your version for it to be true.

Stop trying to make them understand. Stop needing them to see it your way. Your experience is valid regardless of their acknowledgement.

Reclaim your story. Tell it to yourself honestly. And then decide what you want to do with it.

5. Redirect the Energy

All that energy you've been putting into imagining the apology, rehearsing your response, waiting for them to change - redirect it.

Put it into your healing. Your growth. Your future.

Every minute you spend dwelling on what they should have done is a minute stolen from your present. Take that time back.

When the Subconscious Keeps You Stuck

Sometimes, intellectually, you know you don't need their apology. You know waiting is pointless. But emotionally, you can't let go.

This is your subconscious mind trying to protect you. It believes that if you let go without resolution, without that closure, you'll be vulnerable to being hurt again.

It's trying to keep you safe by keeping you vigilant. By making sure you don't forget. By holding onto the hurt as proof that you should never trust anyone like that again.

But this protection has become a prison.

Hypnotherapy can help here. It works with your subconscious mind to:

• Release the emotional charge attached to what happened
• Update the protective patterns that are keeping you stuck
• Help your nervous system understand that you can move forward without needing their validation
• Reframe the experience so it's something that happened to you, not something that defines you

The shift often happens quietly. I don't know whether it'll be in a week, a month, or a year, but one day you'll suddenly realise: you haven't thought about them in days. You haven't replayed that conversation. The anger has faded to indifference. You're free, not because they apologised, but because you stopped needing them to.

What Freedom Looks Like

Healing without the apology doesn't mean pretending nothing happened. It doesn't mean forgiving them or letting them back into your life.

It means:

• You can think about what happened without your chest tightening
• You've stopped imagining conversations that will never happen
• Their name doesn't trigger a flood of emotion
• You've reclaimed the energy you were giving to resentment
• You're building a life that isn't defined by what they did

It means you're free. Not because they released you, but because you released yourself.

The Choice to Move Forward

You can keep waiting. Keep holding out hope that someday they'll see the light, have an epiphany, reach out with a genuine apology.

Or you can choose differently.

You can choose to close the chapter yourself. To accept that the ending is unsatisfying and imperfect. To grieve what you didn't get and move forward anyway.

You can choose to heal without their permission.

Because here's the truth: you don't need their apology to validate your pain. You don't need their understanding to move forward. You don't need their acknowledgement to reclaim your life.

You just need to decide that you're done waiting.

The apology isn't coming. 

But freedom is available right now. 

You just have to choose it.