Have you ever felt like a fraud, pretending to be strong and unaffected by the world when inside you feel like jelly? Felt a clash between the expectation of having to be strong and the reality of wanting to be seen as who you really are, in all your wonderful vulnerability?
If you're reading this, chances are you're exhausted. Exhausted from keeping it together. Exhausted from the anxiety that wakes you at 3am. Exhausted from pretending a toxic relationship didn't leave scars, or that chronic stress isn't slowly breaking you down.
We've grown up believing that vulnerability equals weakness. That showing emotion makes us less capable, less worthy, less strong. But what if I told you that this belief is precisely what's keeping you stuck?
The Mask You're Wearing Is Heavy
After a toxic relationship, many of my clients arrive wearing the same mask: "I'm fine. I'm coping. I just need to be stronger." But beneath that mask is someone who's constantly scanning for danger, always on high alert. Someone whose nervous system is still in fight-or-flight mode months or years after the relationship ended. Someone who's so used to walking on eggshells that they've forgotten what it feels like to simply exist without fear.
The truth? That mask is exhausting. And it's not protecting you anymore - it's isolating you.
What Vulnerability Actually Means (And What It Doesn't)
Vulnerability isn't about oversharing or being emotionally raw with everyone you meet. It's not about being weak or defenceless.
Vulnerability is the choice to be honest with yourself about what you're feeling. It's acknowledging that the panic attacks are real. That the hyper-vigilance is exhausting. That you're tired of second-guessing every decision because someone once convinced you that you couldn't trust yourself.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable - first with ourselves, then with safe people - something shifts. We stop performing strength and start actually building it.
The Hidden Patterns Keeping You Stuck
Here's what I see regularly in my practice: people who intellectually know they deserve better, but whose bodies and subconscious minds are still running old programmes.
You might recognise these patterns:
- Apologising constantly, even when you've done nothing wrong
- Feeling responsible for other people's emotions whilst ignoring your own
- Struggling to make decisions because you're terrified of getting it wrong
- Feeling anxious in relationships, waiting for the other shoe to drop
- Always on alert, scanning for signs that something's about to go wrong
- Numbing out with work, alcohol, scrolling, or busyness to avoid feeling
These aren't character flaws. They're survival strategies your nervous system developed to keep you safe. The problem is, they're still running even though the threat has passed.
Why Self-Awareness Matters (And Why It's Harder Than It Sounds)
Self-awareness sounds simple: just notice what you're thinking and feeling, right? But when you've spent years disconnecting from your emotions to survive, tuning back in can feel terrifying.
Real self-awareness means getting curious about your patterns. Why do you people-please? When did you learn that your needs don't matter? What were you protecting yourself from when you built those walls so high?
This isn't about blame or dwelling in the past. It's about understanding the map you've been using to navigate the world - because you can't change a route you don't know you're taking.
How Your Subconscious Mind Keeps You Safe (And Stuck)
Your subconscious mind is brilliant at keeping you alive. It remembers every threat, every betrayal, every moment you felt unsafe. And it does everything in its power to make sure you never feel that way again.
The problem? It's overprotective. It sees danger where there isn't any. It keeps you small when you're ready to grow. It convinces you that being vulnerable equals being hurt, so you stay behind walls even when you're desperate for connection.
This is where hypnotherapy becomes powerful. It allows us to speak directly to that protective part of your mind, to update the old programmes, and to help your nervous system understand that you're safe now. That you can lower your guard without everything falling apart.
How NLP Helps You Rewrite the Story
Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) works with the language patterns and beliefs that shape your reality.
If you constantly tell yourself "I can't trust anyone" or "I always choose the wrong people" or "I'm not good enough," your mind treats these as facts rather than thoughts. NLP helps you notice these patterns and reframe them.
Instead of "I can't trust anyone," we explore "I'm learning to trust myself to recognise red flags." Instead of "I always choose the wrong people," we shift to "I'm developing better boundaries and clearer standards."
Small shifts in language create massive shifts in how you experience yourself and the world.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing from chronic stress, anxiety, and the aftermath of toxic relationships isn't linear. Some days you'll feel strong and capable. Other days you'll wonder if you've made any progress at all.
But here's what I see in clients who commit to this work:
They start sleeping better as their nervous system calms
The constant state of alert begins to ease
They can be in relationships without constantly waiting for betrayal
They trust their own judgement again
They feel anger when appropriate, instead of turning it inward
They can say no without guilt consuming them
This doesn't happen overnight. But it does happen.
The Courage to Be Seen
Vulnerability takes courage - real courage, not the performative kind. It takes courage to admit you're struggling. To reach out for help. To trust someone enough to let them see the parts of you that feel broken.
But on the other side of that vulnerability is something profound: the freedom to be yourself. To stop performing. To connect authentically with others. To release the weight of pretending everything's fine when it's not.
You don't have to carry this alone. Hypnotherapy and NLP can help you access the parts of yourself that hold the old pain, release what no longer serves you, and build new patterns that actually support the life you want to live.
If you're tired of white-knuckling your way through life, exhausted from keeping it all together, and ready to find a different way - that's vulnerability. And that's the beginning of real freedom.
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If you recognise these patterns and you're tired of getting in your own way, hypnotherapy can help you understand what's driving the sabotage and release it at the root. Get in touch to book a free consultation.
